*This was originally written on 8/5 and not posted until now because of Dianne’s first meeting with Gil Moreno, which hadn’t happened yet. He is now attempting to make her sign a “letter of expectation” in order to continue as a volunteer. This document apparently took many days to be doctored up by L.A. County’s administration department and was finally ready on Monday. No other volunteer is being asked to sign this. She has not seen a copy of the “letter of expectation” and her request to see it prior to their second meeting (which is tomorrow) was denied. The dog, referenced below as being in the play yard when Dianne was approached by Sgt. Webb, was killed days later. Dianne was also effectively barred from this weekend’s adoption events that she had signed up to work.

So today my girlfriend got notice that she was suspended from volunteering at the Carson shelter, pending a meeting with shelter manager Gil Moreno. This comes a day after getting in trouble while we were both onsite at the shelter and doing our normal routine of taking dogs back to the play yard and shooting videos of them for the purposes of networking them online. On top of that, another volunteer was also suspended and told to leave the shelter today. This girl is a 17-year-old high school student and one of the best volunteers that the Carson shelter even has. Their crimes? Taking dogs into the play yard. Being friendly with one another and making appearances in my videos. Dianne being my girlfriend. Sydney being an ally of my girlfriend’s. Yes, it’s that ridiculous.

This is the straight facts, no filter: The Carson shelter and manager Gil Moreno have instituted a shelter-specific policy that no “dominant breed” dog can be taken out of its kennel unless it has first passed a temperament test. This also doubles as an adoption policy, meaning no “dominant breed” dog can be adopted without first passing a temperament test. All non-“dominant breed” dogs do not even require that they be temperament tested. What is a “dominant breed”? Any dog that they say fits the bill, select staff members are the judge and the jury. All dogs then deemed by staff to be any part Pit Bull are classified as “dominant breed.” Not only is this breed-discriminatory legislation (which is against state law) on an in-house policy basis, but there is zero oversight and Mr. Moreno is essentially able to get away with each unjust “policy” that he decides on a whim to put into place. What this means is that the majority of all Pit Bull-type dogs are placed in their kennels and never taken out again until they are walked to the back to be euthanized. The Carson shelter does not do mandatory temperament testing of “dominant breed” dogs. They say they cannot due to not having enough staff. Yet, this shelter refuses to allow the volunteers the opportunity to help with testing, be trained on testing and ultimately alleviate some of that claimed burden by giving the tests themselves. What this means is that no “dominant breed” dog is even given a temperament test unless they first receive an interested party. What this means is that any “dominant breed” dog that doesn’t organically gain interest from a member of the adopting public will never receive a temperament test. What this means is that during their stay at the shelter those dogs are then banned from ever leaving their cage. No volunteer is allowed to socialize them, walk them, interact with them, run with them, play with them. Nothing. All of this pays no mind to the portion of this situation where the dog then has to pass the temperament test if it’s lucky enough to get one given to it in the first place. The discrimination and backwardness that goes hand in hand with the way these tests are so often given is a whole different topic entirely. Not to be forgotten, for those “dominant breed” dogs that do get scheduled for temperament tests it can routinely take this shelter 5-7 days to get around to administering them. So as a wanted dog sits in its cage waiting to be temperament tested, other dogs absolutely die for the excuse of “space.” Many dogs also often get sick while waiting, and these scenarios give rise to miscommunication and mistakes.

This was yesterday…

I was sitting in the empty play yard alone, waiting for Dianne to bring back another dog, when Sgt. Webb approached me and just started staring at me through the fence. Feeling awkward, I told him that a volunteer was coming right back and he just sort of gave me a nod and walked over to the side, out of view. As soon as Dianne could be seen approaching with another dog he reappeared and cut her off. Dianne motioned for me to come out of the cage, so I just walked out and went about my business walking through the runs.

Apparently Sgt. Webb asked which dog Dianne currently was handling and then went back to check its temperament test results. While he was doing this Dianne began playing with the dog in the play yard. He came right back and demanded that she immediately take the dog out of the play yard and put it back in the kennel because it had “failed” its temperament test. Dianne, feeling disgusted, went into advocacy mode for the dog that was happily sitting patiently by her side. She asked him, “Does he look aggressive to you?” She’d just been playing fetch with him for the last 10 minutes, and he was awesome! The dog was incredibly friendly and playful, and was doing great out in the yard. Sgt. Webb still claimed that he was aggressive and that she was violating policy by having him out of his kennel. A testy exchange ensued and Dianne came to find out that the dog was failed after an AC officer took him out of his kennel and he went to lunge at the front of the neighboring dog’s cage. That’s as far as the temperament test went. They put the dog back and failed him without even conducting the test. This dog had 2 different IPs (interested parties) on his file and they were very likely called back and told that he had “failed” his temp-test and was now unavailable for adoption.

Long story short, Dianne told Sgt. Webb that this was what was wrong with the Carson shelter. That they were routinely killing friendly dogs and that it was inhumane for them to never be able to be walked or interacted with. She was upset, tearing up as she spoke and internally furious. Sgt. Webb told her that she could ask Gil to have him re-tested tomorrow, and that he would update the dog’s notes and say not to euthanize him for 24 hours.

Dianne did just that, emailed Gil when she got home, and she was promptly rebuked when her request for a re-test was denied without explanation. She was then told that she was suspended until he could speak to her in person for violating the play yard protocol. She told him that she’d be at the shelter twice tomorrow, dropping and picking up a pair of dogs, but he said that he couldn’t meet with her then. Actually, he couldn’t meet with her until at least Wednesday. She then let him know that she’s pretty busy at work but could come in on Friday. Gil said that he wouldn’t be in on Friday, and oh yeah, he won’t be in on Thursday either. It needs to be Wednesday at 3pm. No regard for the fact that Dianne works 12 hours a day as a non-profit attorney in downtown Los Angeles. Apparently phone or email communication about this situation wouldn’t suffice either. Worse yet, Dianne was set to volunteer at 2 different offsite adoption events this weekend (1 which she arranged herself for the shelter with a PetSmart manager) and now can no longer attend. Gil Moreno is actually blocking someone who works all week at their own job from volunteering 10-15 extra hours of their weekend time in order to get his shelter’s pets adopted. Yes, that’s Gil.

So she is being dually punished: First for taking dogs out that haven’t passed their temperament tests (even though they’ve never been given one), and second for allowing me to physically be in the yard with the dog without getting a “puppy pass” for each dog that she gets out.

A puppy pass is when you go to the front desk and ask to see a specific dog, and they in turn tell you yes or no and then grant you a pass. This is done for “liability” purposes. Instead of dealing with the individual red-tape of it all, I asked Gil back when this first became an issue if I could just preemptively sign away my liability for all future dogs… I was told that I could not. I tried to then get further clarification in an attempt for a more workable solution. I sent Gil 3 emails regarding numerous outstanding issues… One on 7/2, another on 7/8 and then another on 7/16. He did not respond to any of them.

From 7/2:

“You can’t place volunteer networking holds on dogs outside of their 5-day holding period.” – Myra to Dianne today… Is this a new rule that is just now being implemented? Because both holds Dianne has place prior to this attempt have been on dogs outside of their 5-day holding period. Ruby being a prime example. And speaking of Ruby, why have you so coldly blamed Dianne for Ruby’s hold miscommunication, while “taking full responsibility” to others and putting out a letter to them in response? You haven’t even acknowledged any of this to Dianne, and she was the prime person affected by Ruby’s death. You can call me if it’s easier for you to respond that way.

From 7/8:

I’ve been waiting for a response to my last email, sent this past Tuesday, and it’s really important that there’s some clarification made on the portions of these policies that are not being consistently upheld… I understand that you are busy, and my emails are definitely not your top priority, but there are people wanting to understand these policies so that they can then try to use them for the benefits that they were supposedly created to offer. That’s important. Please let me know if I can come in at any point this week and meet with you for 10-15 minutes. I know you work during the top of the week, so just let me know what is easiest or if that would be possible or helpful… I’m actually coming in in about an hour anyways, so if today works at all give me a call on my cell phone.

From 7/16:

I’m still waiting on replies to my last 2 emails, sent on 7/2 and 7/8. Dianne’s also still awaiting some kind of a reply regarding Ruby and what happened with that. You took 10 days to do a side investigation and then came back with a snippet of info that all parties were aware of from the beginning. You’ve also ignored all else that’s been stated on the topic and even your own past words to her. Are we able to engage you or aren’t we?

Is email a good form of communication, or phone, or onsite at the shelter? I’ve asked and been ignored. Dianne sees you at the shelter but we are two different people. You’ve dodged the Ruby topic and Dianne has just been graceful about it. I have no such desire to be graceful. You killed an incredible dog this morning that was afraid of its shadow and as sweet as could be. All these dogs go down, while numerous dogs with sketchy temperaments remain. If it’s pointless to come to you to get your side or something then just let me know and I won’t bother with it. But there’s tons of questions that people have about blunt policy, easy stuff it’d seem, and you have no desire to clarify anything. This is causing confusion, which only gets more dogs killed. It would be nice if this was something you acknowledged at some point.

Since I could potentially do videos of 10 dogs in 1 day, it didn’t make sense for me to go in and congest the public lobby line further for 10 different puppy passes! A few weeks later Dianne was told that Gil apparently said that it would be okay if I got 1 puppy pass and then wrote the ID numbers of all of the dogs that I was in the yard with. This was never communicated by Gil directly to me or Dianne, but rather through another person. I didn’t take it that serious as he didn’t even take the time to let us know, plus, I’ve learned that with Gil you need to get stuff in writing. He is prone to changing something at his discretion and then blaming you for it. So we continued doing things as we were doing them. If he didn’t take 10 seconds to write Dianne or myself an email regarding this change to his puppy pass expectations then I doubt he’d of honored it anyways. We’ve learned that the hard way.

The racket of the yard play and puppy pass mess is that 90% of the dogs Dianne was taking out to the yard weren’t being temperament tested, so they were being shunned by everyone and disallowed from ever leaving their kennels. This wasn’t a situation where the shelter staff was temperament testing 98% of all dogs and Dianne was bucking the system to take out the 2% that weren’t being tested. Not at all. No Pit Bull-type dogs were voluntarily being given temperament tests, yet they can’t leave their cage without first passing one. This is extraordinarily unfair. The in-house policy that Carson has instituted is unjust, so we simply treated it as an unjust policy. Dianne was going to continue taking the time to interact with these dogs, show them love, let them play, let them run around and stretch their feet, let them put a toy in their mouth and feel like the center of attention for a few minutes. This was the right thing to do. So Gil’s first going to blame Dianne for having me back there shooting video of the dogs, trying to get them adopted. He then pulls the puppy pass stuff, trying to make the repetitious hoop-jumping unbearable. Then he allegedly just wants 1 list of all the dogs we took out. Okay… But what happens to that list? Of course he would use that list to then cross-reference the dogs Dianne took out vs. the dogs that have or haven’t been temperament tested. Dianne would then be punished for each dog that she took out that hadn’t been temperament tested and the puppy pass list would be his self-implicating proof. See how that works? Gil Moreno also targets dogs that we’ve taken video of, so as we are trying to help them he is putting an X on their back. The double-edged sword. That may sound like a bold accusation but just read through this website a little further.

Evidence of how great Dianne is out in the yard, and how great the dogs are too…

^That’s who they are suspending.

Don’t these people want to save dogs? Huh? Huh? Suspending Dianne, who is one of the most outgoing and engaging volunteers that they could ever hope to have. She promotes the hell out of dogs. She will talk to anyone and really knows how to strike a chord with each different person. That is one of her gifts. And they are shitting on it at the expense of dog’s lives! And suspending Sydney, who is an amazing volunteer that will go out of her way to be at all of the adoption events and who carries herself much like Dianne when it comes to interacting with the dogs. She takes them out and makes them feel loved and wants to do more than she is allowed to do. She is 17 years old! She makes flyers for the rabbits and snakes that come into the shelter. She takes photos of the dogs and tries hard to network them privately. She is 17 with an awesome spirit and they are trying to kill it like they kill the dogs! How dare you penalize her because you have a vendetta against other people.

Gil Moreno, you are an awful human being. Awful.

I just wanted to quickly write something after reading Allison Benedikt’s Slate article about not getting a dog if you ever want to have kids. I personally found this article to be pretty deblorable. Sadly, I’m never amazed at the depths at which good people often sink. I don’t know Allison, but she’s very likely a decent person–and yet she can so callously type what she typed, seemingly without a care in the world. It’s wild to me.

With the internet and social media at the forefront of much of communication nowadays this “sinking” is often on full display. I was truly taken aback by these statements, which came in an article where she professed both a love for her dog and a love for her kids…

A friend of mine once told me that before he had a kid, he would have run into a burning building to save his cats. Now that he has a kid, he would happily drown the cats in the bathtub if it would help his son take a longer nap. Here is how I feel about that statement: Velvel, avoid the bathroom.

Recently I took Velvel for his annual checkup. He’s 13, does not get enough (any) exercise, and has gained a fair amount of weight in the past few years, as we’ve started doling out the dog treats quite liberally because it’s the only thing that shuts him up. The vet ran some blood tests and called with the results a few days later. Velvel’s liver levels are a little off, she told me, but why don’t we try medicine first before discussing other options. The vet delivered the news gently, as if I might start sobbing at any moment. All I could think was, “I can’t remember if she said liver or kidney.” And then the baby spit up and I had to go.

Both of these quoted sections come amongst other text that complains about how much the dog whines, how much the dog barks, that he poops, that he vomits, that he sheds, that she needs to walk him and that she regrets him. She goes on to say that it’s a “universal truth” that almost all parents regret their dog after having a child. She bases this around people that she knows. So, um, either she doesn’t know many people, or all of the people that she does know are basically jerk-offs. Because “parents regretting their dogs” is most definitely not a “universal truth.” Sorry Allison, you are wrong.

I first want to address the parent thing. We grew up with all kinds of animals. My mom had a Golden Retriever before me, while she was pregnant with me, and after I was born. He was one of my fondest memories. When he passed away and as my parents added another kid, and then another, we got another Golden Retriever. He grew up right alongside us. When we moved out to the country we took in even more animals. We had multiple dogs, cats, sheep, rabbits, a goat. It’s simply called living your life and prioritizing your loves and your time, and respecting each life as a member of your family. This may lessen over time for some people, or take another form, but as many other people have said… As the parent’s interest in the dog may decrease, the child’s interest in the dog will likely increase, thus creating the same interaction space and feeling of inclusion within the family unit.

All I can say after reading Allison’s article is that I’m glad that she wasn’t my mom. With that, I now want to thank my mom for not only being my favorite person on the planet, but for also instilling in me many of the necessary tools that go along with being a compassionate person. She loved each of our animals, and made time for them, and integrated them into our lives–whatever that looked like–always. Does that make her a super-mom? Well, she was. My mom was and is as awesome as they come. But I bet that all mom’s are super in their own way. This leads me to the thought that Allison’s bar is set too low. So I’m glad that I wasn’t her kid, that’s all that I can say, and here’s why…

Her article paints household pets as discardable objects. Straight up. That’s the takeaway. And coming from someone who deals with shelter pets, and why they are in these kill shelters in the first place, well, that’s fucking disgusting. Shame on you for that. Further, you are teaching that to your children.

I pray that people have more sense and trust in their own heart than to listen to some woman like Allison, who’s article is very likely to influence the dumping of more animals (to their death, at a “shelter”) as they anticipate children. That’s sad. That’s extremely sad. Have you given that any thought? I can only hope that you now do.

Luka was placed on the temperament test list on 7/29. This list basically requests that he be given a temperament test. The Carson shelter never gave him a temperament test. Luka was also being primed by a few volunteers to go to the offsite adoption event on 8/10. The request was verbalized. The Carson shelter killed Luka yesterday with no regard for any of it.

Doesn’t a salary of over $100,000 a year require that this manager find the time to make sure that the dogs that his facility is “sheltering” get temperament tested? Is that too much to ask? What a disgrace. Everything that I wrote about Norman, just yesterday, could be applied to Luka as well. WHERE WAS THE PERSONALITY EVALUATION? My video evidence exists if certain staff members are too lazy to want to get to know their own dogs. Just kick back at your desk and watch my YouTube videos. Maybe you will learn something about a dog’s temperament, since you can’t be bothered to give a damn. Or are my videos and my girlfriend’s onsite avocation for specific dogs actually getting them killed? Hmm? Is it ineptness or retaliation, or a little bit of both?

And oh yeah, Hope was killed yesterday as well. Everything applies to her just the same. Everything applies to so many of them that you never knew…

The 39-year-old Trumann, Ark. man, who is paralyzed from the waist down, had recently adopted the “small, white, fluffy” stray dog in hopes of having a loving companion, reports KAIT8.com. The man said the newly-adopted animal bit off one of his testicles while he was sleeping naked around 7:45 a.m. on Monday.

Had this dog been a Pit Bull the title of this article would have been “Pit Bull mauls paralyzed man as he sleeps” and it would have been covered in hundreds of outlets. Yeah. Instead we get “Dog eats paralyzed man’s testicle as he sleeps” and everyone goes on with their lives. Sensationalism city not cared about in this instance and the mainstream media silently goes aww shucks. I also don’t hear DogsBite.org hyperventilating with outrage over this testicle-eating “small, white, fluffy” dog. Crickets. Ms. Colleen Lynn could even exploit the angle and drum up more sympathy since the victim was paralyzed and in a wheelchair. What a story! Crickets. This is her thing, after all. Crickets. Only Pit Bulls do it for her. All other dogs get a pass, all day, every day. And so it continues… Adolf Lynn is in her apartment bunker going through her Google key-word-emails, trying to keep her catfish profiles straight. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Friendly Norman was murdered by the Carson shelter yesterday morning, one day after he became “available” to the public. Why was he chosen? No one knows. There is no good or just answer for that question. The shelter claimed that he was “injured.” We had him out the day before he was killed, he was not injured. Was a personality assessment done to determine who was to be euthanized and who was to continue to live? Was this assessment given to Norman? Of course it wasn’t. If they dare claim that it was then they royally suck at that job. Was Norman given a temperament-test? Nope. So how did they ultimately make this determination? Someone specifically chose Norman to be killed, and if they didn’t, his number fell within a group of numbers that a staff member just randomly chose to euthanize. Personality played no role. Those are the only 2 legitimately realistic options. One or the other happened. To say otherwise is to lie.

*This article was originally published on August 24, 2011.

I’m not sure how to begin this article other than to admit that grief has played a significant role in shaping the last four years of my life. That sounds like a sad and depressing thing, but over time you come to realize what it means and to put it in its proper perspective. Before trying to do that – allow me to describe who I loved, how I came to love and who continues to drive a fire under me that will never be extinguished.

I found my first Pit Bull abandoned on a country road back in Ohio in 2001. I’d just graduated from college and was back in my hometown for the summer. As fate would have it she would come very cautiously out of a cornfield at the same time that I was checking my dad’s mailbox. I’ve always loved animals, so it was my first instinct to try and call her over to me. She was very skinny and most likely the dumped runt of somebody’s litter. She was so scared and tried to run away, but then she would reappear. I just stayed at it until she felt comfortable enough to take a chance on me. Once she did, for me at least, it was literal love at first sight.

I’d always had family pets growing up, but this was different because I was 20 years old and essentially on my own. She would represent a step forward as a human being, being my sole responsibility, and I embraced that role with everything I had. My parents had divorced a year earlier, and at the time I was living with my mom. God bless her when she found out that Sway was a Pit Bull. Mom had a mini-freak out, but it passed within minutes because she knew what was obvious to anyone – that Sway and I had a bond that was pretty special, and she wasn’t going to be a complication to that. It’s funny because I didn’t even know Sway was a Pit Bull myself. I didn’t care. I don’t see animals like that, boxed up with a label. It honestly didn’t matter to me at all. But when I went into the local shelter to submit her registration information it was interesting to see the animal control officer trying to fear-monger me into relinquishing the dog. All these rules, all these warnings and stereotypes – and that was the first, of many, experiences with breed discrimination.

Sway would cling to me, and wouldn’t let me out of her view. I remember taking her to a baseball game that me and my friends were playing that first weekend, and she actually stood out in the infield with me the entire time. This became my new “normal,” and everywhere I went for the next eight years, she went with me. This got difficult in 2004 when I decided that I was going to move out to California. I was going to drive all the way out and I didn’t necessarily have a plan, a job or a place to stay. For those reasons alone, I couldn’t bring Sway with me, and so she had to stay behind with my mom until I could figure my new situation out and arrange for a flight for her. On many levels this was one of the hardest things that I ever did, and it was capped off by watching Sway climb up over the back of the couch and watch me through the living room window as I drove away.

Six months later it was time for her plane to touch down. I remember the night perfectly because I had a performance to do at the Key Club, and this was literally my first time ever being on a stage in Los Angeles. You would have thought that I’d have died of nerves from that alone. But I was so nervous about Sway’s flight and everything going perfectly that this song I had to do was the least of my concerns. I zoomed through it off of anticipation alone, and then drove myself to LAX to pick her up at cargo. Seeing Sway being wheeled out to me was definitely one of the most joyful moments of my life. She was here and normality could ensue.

There were all these new things for her like the beach and the numerous dog parks, going to the music studio and hiking up completely new terrain. She was never a fan of the water, but if I ran into the ocean she’d certainly follow me. I’d play football with her at the beach, and she’d chase rebounds when I’d play basketball at the city parks – always staying so close to me and never letting me out of her sight. She’d teach all of my friends and people that came in and out of my life what amazing animals Pit Bulls were, opening the eyes of many and creating her own little space within so many people’s hearts. What an incredibly loyal and loving soul she always was – my best friend in the whole world.

Both of our lives were altered in 2007 when she started showing signs of extreme weakness and fatigue. After running numerous blood panels it was discovered that her red blood cells were rapidly dropping. In a matter of months I watched her go from an energy-driven Pit Bull to a frail and fragile being that needed consistent medical support to stay alive. It was discovered that she had a rare and complicated blood disease called autoimmune hemolytic anemia, which is when a patient’s immune system begins destroying its own red blood cells. This became immediately life threatening due to the fact that the red blood cells are what deliver the oxygen to the body.

For the next two years life with her was a series of peaks and valleys. The first four months went downhill so fast that it left everyone reeling. Within a month her red blood cell level had dropped so low that a blood transfusion became necessary. This was the first of eight over the next six weeks.

On top of that there was complication after complication. In Sway’s case, the medications caused very severe side effects that included muscle wasting. Her red blood cell level finally began to at least hold after taking the drastic and alternative measure of adding a human anabolic steroid to her regimen. The cells were holding at 1/3 of a normal dog’s level, but over time Sway had become so used to the lower percent that her body just adjusted. After her initial meds were drastically reduced her body began to partially recover. In combination with the weekly anabolic injection she slowly inched towards an almost entire year of this new normality. At one point prior to cutting her medications she hadn’t been able to stand on her own, and then one day she was up and on her feet. Victories like that would put me over the moon. Eventually she had gained the majority of her weight back, and although her red blood cell count never rose, in time she was back to doing the many things that she loved to do, albeit at a slower and more controlled pace.

During the next many months her body began declining again, and shortly after her blood count followed. After another ultrasound Sway was diagnosed with multiple inoperable shunts on the outside of her liver. This meant that all of her food nutrients and supplements, as well as her medications, were being improperly absorbed and essentially diverted around the liver and into the heart. Since shunted blood was not being detoxified by the liver, it was creating the possibility of toxins circulating through her blood.

Three months later, my 8-year-old, 45-pound Pit Bull was down to 17 pounds. It seemed as though everywhere we turned it was between a rock and a hard place. Her latest blood panel was showing pancreatitis, on top of the ever-present AIHA and the liver shunts. Her blood count had dropped to 11 percent (normal range 45-50 percent). Fluid therapy for the pancreatitis would dilute the blood even further, and then she would immediately need transfused again. During the last 48 hours she had taken a drastic turn for the worse, and at that point she could barely lift her head.

I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put her down.

It was scheduled for 2 p.m. that day, and I spent every second laying next to her. An hour before it was set to happen, Sway passed away naturally in our bed with me talking to her and giving her kisses. Coincidentally my mom was also in the room, as she was out here for her yearly visit from Ohio. It’s almost as if Sway knew something that everyone else didn’t. It was like my coming to grips with the current reality would align with my mom’s visit, which would align with her taking her last breaths, and naturally.

I remember the last moments vividly, and it’s a surreal thing to have the one you love there with you one second and then literally gone the next. The questions immediately fill your mind and saturate all of your thoughts.

Where did she go? Did she know how much I love her? Will I ever see her again? Did I do everything that I could have done?

Then the regret and the second-guessing tries to take hold, and sometimes it succeeds. I ran so many scenarios through my mind that at times I felt lucky to have survived the mental torment. The permanent separation that happens in those last moments is like being thrown overboard and into the coldest of waters, like a shock to my body and a shock to everything that I knew to be my reality.

The selfish side of me viewed it as “loss,” as my best friend in the world being “taken” away. At the same time, in Sway’s case her blood disease and all that did her harm was also silenced – and in that I tried to celebrate that she was no longer feeling those potential pains or abnormalities. I’m not an overly religious person, but two days after Sway’s passing I was lucky enough to have a moment that happened to me that is incomparable in scope to anything that I’ve experienced before or since. It was one of those things that may happen once or twice in a lifetime, a proof of God moment if you will. It was the single greatest reminder that this is just a temporary separation and not a permanent one, and it was a blessing that leaves me thankful.

With that being said, the immediate aftermath of Sway’s passing was still devastating for me. Even with the prior two plus years slowly preparing me for this possible outcome, it was the most difficult thing that I’ve ever been through. I say “through” because it was/is a process that you have to take part in, the grief, instead of avoiding or suppressing it.

People who read this and automatically then think that my life must not have been hard up to this point, or that I haven’t faced numerous worthy adversities due to the fact that I’d be willing to acknowledge the death of a pet as something most significant, would be mistaken. It’s an impossible task to get someone who clearly hasn’t loved an animal to then understand what it means to deeply and genuinely love an animal. That’s fine, and I will hope that one day someone or something will have as profound of an affect on that person’s life as Sway had on mine. But you can’t let those types of people rush or trivialize the grieving process.

For me, some days my grief was so heavy that it rendered everything else unnoticeable by comparison. As the time passes, be assured that this will lessen – for some slower, for some, faster. But also be prepared to feel many different things, including guilt, when you do begin to feel better. Sometimes I’d get mad at myself for eventually having more better days than bad, almost treating my grief as if it were the only remaining link that I had with Sway. This is completely untrue. Try to keep in mind that you should strive to eventually get to the point of embracing the times when you can be genuinely happy, as that is exactly what your loved one would want for you. This is some advice that I am still learning to take.

What to do with the grief until you actually reach that point? Anything besides bottling it up inside. That is always the least healthy response to anything, especially something like this. Talk to someone. Write or journal your thoughts – even if it’s just for you, as it serves as being therapeutic in nature. Artistic? Work on a project in dedication, or just simply try something totally new and dedicate your effort to the life that your loved one lived. Just make sure to invest in becoming more emotionally in touch with how you are feeling – be honest with yourself.

Siphon off all of that potentially negative energy and turn it into a positive reaction (be it volunteering, helping another through a donation or raising awareness) – I’d like to think that that’s one of the best ways that you could honor your loved one.

What I did was sign up to do a triathlon. This is something I’d never done and I wanted to see if I could set that goal and then follow through with doing it. Unfortunately my bike chain literally snapped during the event and I was unable to finish – so I signed up to do another one, finished, and then did another one.

I also adopted a new Pit Bull-mix, a little brindle one that I named Neola. When I saw her picture online I knew that it was something that I wanted to do and that I was ready to take that step. Shortly after I adopted another one, Odilia, because I wanted them to have a buddy. This is something I always wanted for Sway but never did; I was always so overprotective and cautious with her. Every now and then I see her in both of them, and their unique personalities have made my life more complete.

To further honor Sway I started going into shelters and photographing all the Pit Bulls that unfortunately pack each facility. Just being onsite and visiting with them is special enough, but then to have a hand in potentially saving a life – that is a priceless feeling. As I familiarized myself with the realities of this entrenched backward sheltering system, I began to form strong opinions and then to speak out in ways that I never originally intended. I created a website that would not only house my shelter photography, but would also allow me to do video blogs and write articles that were centric to what is going on inside of these facilities. Pit Bulls are being discriminated against at an alarming rate, and not just in the ways that most of us have grown to understand. The shelters themselves are using bad temperament tests and other sideways maneuvers against these animals, as means of justifying their killings. Legislation continues to be thrown around, tweaked and at times shoved down our throats. Media continues to fear-monger and much of the general public continues to be extremely susceptible to being swept up and into an angry mob of hate and ignorance. These are all things that I am now focusing a lot of my energy on, and all in the name of honoring Sway.

Sway continues in many ways to be present in my life – most noticeably through empowering my efforts to help Pit Bulls, but also in so many other subtle and silent ways that are only known and appreciated by me. That’s the gift – that somehow things live on. Would I give anything to have her back and healthy? Of course, but I’m also OK now, and the thought of her being my biggest supporter is all the fuel that I need. I’m thankful for the time that I got to spend with her and for all of the things that had to happen in order for her to come stumbling out of that cornfield at that exact moment 10 years ago. I’m also grateful for those that now reach out to me and for those opportunities that I will have to reach out to others. The love that Sway and I shared surely helped form whatever strength I needed to deal with her loss. These are the bits of perspective that I spoke about in the first paragraph. Like Tennyson wrote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

That’s important to grasp I think, knowing that in reality some people just never have that much to lose. Special bonds don’t just come along every day … for some people they may never, or maybe that person just isn’t in a place to even notice them if they did. For this reason alone I am blessed beyond explanation. I certainly still cry when I need my moments, but love healed my grief, and love created the courage to participate in that grief. It’s the one thing that never ends, love – the literal foundation for everything that is good in this world.

Sway passed away 4 years ago today. Thank you for enriching people’s lives and making a positive difference. You were the best dog in the world and I love you and miss you every day.

It’s my guess that the mass majority of people who have animals have no idea about what I’m about to type. I didn’t know either, until I started getting curious and looking into it myself. I never would have even thought to ponder this issue if it weren’t for being exposed to the many microchip-related mishaps that can happen at the kill shelters.

Look at your dog. Pull his or her microchip number up and I want you to do an exercise with me, as I’ve already done with my own dog’s microchips.

Here are the databases that I want you to actually search, using your own dog’s unique number. Each is considered to be a “universal” database that covers any number of different microchips…

Pet Microchip Lookup
Free Pet Chip Registry
Petlink
RFID-USA Microchip Registry or here
Petkey
EIDAP
InfoPET
PETMAXX

Now I don’t know about you, but the only database that my 2 dogs came up in was the first one (Pet Microchip Lookup)… And this was only because I took the extra step of manually entering them into the FoundAnimals free database awhile back. So even though both of my dogs have registered chips with Avid, they didn’t come up in this database through Avid, and they didn’t come up in any of the other ones at all. Regarding the 1 that did list them, they came up linked to the secondary FoundAnimals database instead. So had I not taken the initiative to do that, my registered dogs would have went 0 for 8 in these databases masquerading publicly as “universal” databases. Most people aren’t told to cross-register your pets like this, so they never even think to. The only reason that I did it was because it was free. After researching I found that the 2nd database is free as well. I’ve since signed up for that one too.

The other 6 actually charge you to list your animals… Petlink charges you a 1-time fee of $19.99 per pet. RFID-USA charges you a 1-time fee of $19.95 per pet. Petkey charges you a yearly fee of $14.99 per pet. EIDAP charges you a 1-time fee of $11.00 per pet. InfoPET charges you a 1-time fee of $25.00 and an additional $10.00 per added pet. PETMAXX links with Petlink, so if they aren’t listed in Petlink they have no chance of showing in PETMAXX.

Is all of this not totally ridiculous? Why isn’t there a truly universal database that umbrellas over every single one of these poser databases? If you pay once with a microchip manufacturer then the information should be shared with every other database, should it not? And why so many damn databases to begin with? The majority of which also operate exclusively from all the others. So it begs the question: Does this industry care about returning lost animals to their owners or only about charging numerous fees at the further expense of thoroughly confusing people?

Unfortunately these organizations are not required to speak to each other. That means that they are not sharing owner information. Making matters worse, the available online databases rarely catalog tangible results. Instead of working together for the intended advertised purpose, this whole idea really shows itself to be a diluted mess.

These are some of the most well known microchip manufacturers, many who then have their own databases…

24PetWatch, 1-866-597-2424, uses their own database.
AKC, 1-800-252-7894, uses their own database.
Avid, 1-800-336-2843, uses their own database.
Datamars, 1-877-738-5465, uses the Petlink database.
FoundAnimals, uses their own database.
HomeAgain, 1-888-466-3242, uses their own database.
resQ, 1-877-738-5465, uses the Petlink database.
*resQ was created by Bayer and I can’t tell if it’s now in some way affiliated with Datamars. This and this should be required reading for everyone.

Then you get into which scanners actually read which chips… The word “universal” is again readily thrown around, yet many scanners claiming to be universal only read certain microchips. Sometimes this is done on purpose. Avid chips read out at 9 digits. HomeAgain, AKC and other chips read out at 10 digits. FoundAnimals, Datamars and resQ are ISO chips and read out at 15 digits. Some HomeAgain and AKC chips are now ISO and 15 digits. ISO microchips are what most of the non-U.S. world are currently using. It has been said that many of the scanners being used in the United States seldom successfully scan for ISO microchips. Who knows, but pretty worrisome regardless. The 3 different types of chips run on 3 different frequencies: 125 kHz, 128 kHz, and 134.2 kHz. So unless your microchip scanner picks up all 3 frequencies it is NOT universal.

Some shelters and vets assume that if their scanner picks up three different brands of microchips, it is universal. However some brands are on the same chip frequency, and some make several different types of microchip. So unless the scanner picks up all three frequencies (the 125, 128, and 134.2), it is NOT universal. And unfortunately, many organizations are unknowingly still using non-universal scanners, which means they are missing chips and therefore unable to reunite lost pets with their families.

A couple different scenarios for you… Let’s assume that the scanner actually finds a chip on a stray dog. What if a staff member from a vet’s office or a shelter opted to pull up one of these database websites instead of calling a specific manufacturer directly? What if they tried to call, got put on a lengthy hold, and since they’re busy themselves opted to hang up and use one of these websites instead? Yikes. The mere existence of all of these different databases is troubling, because a single search bringing back no results basically implies that the pet has no owner. I’m not saying that this happens a lot, but if it happens at all then it’s a total shame. The absence of a result in any of these random databases could potentially cause an owned animal to die. That’s real. Best case, they wouldn’t be found but eventually saved and adopted out to someone else. No one knows how careful or thorough people are. Just as many vets and shelters likely have detailed protocol in order to deal with this, many probably don’t. That’s scary.

Please be aware of these missteps and take matters into your own hands to make sure that your pet’s microchip is best represented. If you’ve ever adopted a pet from the shelter it is imperative that you personally register your microchip with the microchip manufacturer. You may assume that the shelter does this for you. They do not. I’d also advise registering your pet’s microchip with the free secondary backup websites, FoundAnimals Microchip Registry and Free Pet Chip Registry. Going further, next time you are at your vet I’d have them scan for a microchip just to see if they get a worthwhile result. Lastly, I’d challenge animal shelters to setup test scenarios with dogs known to have specific chips, just to see if their owned scanners are truly up to snuff. Because I have no doubt that many aren’t, and that basically means more dead dogs.

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard someone, offended with my specific criticism of a shelter, say things like:
“You have no idea how hard it is for shelter staff to put animals to sleep.”
“How dare you criticize a shelter from behind a keyboard.”
“You don’t know what it’s like to be on the ground.”
“Why don’t you do something instead of just attacking those who work tirelessly in the animal sheltering industry?”
You get the picture.

I guess many of these people don’t know that I actually spend a lot of time at shelters. To them I’d like to say this…

What’s hard is having an open heart.
What’s hard is witnessing first-hand the relinquishment of a pet.
What’s hard is talking to its owner, and telling them that they will kill your dog, and have it not faze them.
What’s hard is having the same scenario play out, and have it break them down, but still see them leave their dog because they’ve come to the conclusion that they have no other option.
What’s hard is genuinely sitting with a shelter dog and looking into its eyes.
What’s hard is bonding with them, petting them, rubbing their bellies, feeding them treats.
What’s hard is watching them try to squeeze so hard up against the bars, just to get another centimeter closer to you, and they can’t.
What’s hard is watching them play bow, and wiggle back and forth, and you not be able to reciprocate the fun or fully engage them back.
What’s hard is seeing them come to recognize you, and then get excited when you approach.
What’s hard is having to eventually get up and move on to the next cage.
What’s hard is seeing how beautiful and loving they are, how forgiving and optimistic they are, and then seeing them locked in a cage.
What’s hard is telling the dogs that they are a “good boy” or a “good girl,” and knowing that so many times they’ve likely sat at those bars and watched countless people pass without a care in the world.
What’s hard is telling the dogs to “be strong,” knowing where they are and what they are up against.
What’s hard is running with them in the play yard, and seeing them free, and then having to put them back.
What’s hard is potentially confusing them.
What’s hard is having to get in your car and drive away to go back home.
What’s hard is knowing every dog by face and name, and not knowing if they are going to be alive the next day.
What’s hard is sitting on the telephone, awaiting to be told a dog’s fate.
What’s hard is knowing how many services I could actually offer the shelter, offering those services, and then not being given the opportunity to provide those services.
What’s hard is loving every single animal inside of a specific shelter, and knowing that the manager and certain members of a staff actually view you as an enemy.
What’s hard is living in America and feeling like the use of one’s freedom of speech and expression is a crime.
What’s hard is seeing a shelter staff worry more about their public perception than the fate of the countless dogs and cats that they are supposed to be sheltering.
What’s hard is knowing that there is definitely a better way than just endlessly killing.
What’s hard is having that way routinely ignored, never attempted and constantly misrepresented by the people that are actually in a position to attempt it.
What’s hard is seeing all of the Pit Bulls be discriminated against in numerous different ways.
What’s hard is learning that a dog was killed because it was deemed “unadoptable” or “aggressive,” and knowing that this is a blatant lie.
What’s hard is seeing shelter workers get desensitized.
What’s hard is seeing wonderful volunteers and members of the public erroneously fear-mongered.
What’s hard is seeing a shelter manager lack compassion and empathy.
What’s hard is having the vindictiveness of certain shelter managers thrown in your face routinely.
What’s hard is not being able to properly network a dog’s photo on your own Facebook page out of fear that that shelter’s manager will see it and kill the dog in retaliation.
What’s hard is knowing that that’s already happened many times.
What’s hard is seeing a dog come in and then be killed as soon as it’s available to be killed.
What’s hard is knowing more about a dog’s personality than the staff allocated to decide whether it should be killed or not.
What’s hard is seeing shelters constantly hide behind liability.
What’s hard is seeing shelters excuse their lack of innovation for lack of resources.
What’s hard is having to deal with hypocrisy, inconsistencies and technicalities on a daily basis.
What’s hard is having to stay focused, and continue putting the effort forth in the face of mass killing and sadness.
What’s hard is having to take time away from visiting with the dogs in order to actually get good photographs.
What’s hard is doing something for 5 hours that realistically should take 2.
What’s hard is coming home and spending the next 15 hours straight editing photographs and/or video.
What’s hard is seeing the overwhelming nature of all of the pictures as a whole render the few people that want to help helpless.
What’s hard is putting pictures up and not having them get the support and networking power that you’d hope they would get.
What’s hard is having to try again.
What’s hard is doing an endless amount of work and not being paid for it.
What’s hard is seeing my girlfriend, who is now a volunteer, cry every single night.
What’s hard is sitting in the dark in front of my computer, editing pictures, and wondering how the dog who is in front of me is doing.
What’s hard is sitting in silence, and having their faces fill my thoughts.
What’s hard is knowing how much of the population simply isn’t even aware that shelters kill.
What’s hard is knowing how much good we could all do if we could simply be honest with one another.
What’s hard is being told that I am a jerk for opposing killing, and that I should feel bad for the people that actually have and make the choice to kill.
What’s hard is having to deal with the shelter apologists that have long sold their principles down the river.
What’s hard is constantly writing about all of the things that Pit Bulls are up against in this world.
What’s hard is dealing with the ignorance.
What’s hard is dealing with the hate.
What’s hard is continuing to go.
What’s hard is continuing to have an open heart.

So don’t talk to me about what is hard.

At the same time, everything that I’ve listed as “hard” is also easy, because I love doing it for these dogs in the hopes that it makes a difference. I love these dogs. That is also hard and that is also easy. There is absolutely nothing in the world more rewarding than when it makes a difference for 1 of them.

So yesterday morning I went to a Los Angeles Board of Animal Services Commissioners’ meeting that was regarding a proposal to due away with late-term abortions happening in city shelters. There is many other facets to this, including created plans on how L.A. City intends to try and make this work. Much of that has been semi-detailed in documents first released by Brenda Barnette (that were available at this meeting, can’t find them online), and also reviewed by other publications that are available online.

Every single person in attendance (30 or so), except for me and 1 other person, were against this proposal and thus for late-term abortions. I personally understood much of what these many folks had to say. I agreed with a lot of the criticism. I most definitely do not trust Brenda Barnette and called her disingenuous to her face in my public comment. I do not agree with L.A. City and what can only be viewed as their hypocritical attempt to create a monopoly on breeding. I do not agree with L.A. City with how this late-term abortion debate is being viewed solely as a way to “generate more revenue.” I find it really disheartening that the ethical principle of it all falls by the wayside when compared to the idea of revenue generation. Some of the details of what Barnette has in mind are shady at best, and trusting her to be genuine and transparent on this issue is not something that I’d personally put much stock in.

…But with all that being said, I cannot wrap my head around the abandonment of principle here. Both as just a general animal-lover and advocate, but also as someone who sees what true No Kill is supposed to be (and can be) vs. what L.A. City and NKLA are doing and have been doing under the guise of No Kill.

Much of my public comment pointed this out. I noted that Phyllis Daugherty reported that under Brenda Barnette’s watch existing spay/neuter subsidy money for low-income residents was “not maximized,” and instead had over $200,000 reallocated in order to pay staff salaries. Another $400,000 was reportedly lost “due to it not being spent.” What in the hell? I asked if this was true… The Commissioners couldn’t directly respond back to me so I have no idea. But if true then that’s utterly disgraceful. The maximizing of spay/neuter funds for low-income residents is one of the foundational elements of any legitimate No Kill effort.

I then noted that what NKLA was doing was not following what is advertised by the No Kill Advocacy Center, but rather putting forth what seems to be a marketing ploy that continues fundamental business as usual. I said that all of these “puppy mill” pet stores that are being shut down should be used to promote shelter dogs, and hopefully many adult dogs and Pit Bull-type dogs will be routinely featured there in the future. I think we all want to see this, alongside whatever puppies also exist, and that a balance is able to be struck. Lord knows there’s a lot of these former stores out there…

So I verbalized my confusion as best as I could, which was probably not the most eloquent. These are tough issues. All I know is that the basic premise of the No Kill idea is that you don’t end a life of an animal that is not truly suffering or truly vicious. That notion aligns with L.A. City’s attempted policy change on late-term abortions. But what are their motives? That’s an entirely different discussion. Because very little of what L.A. City has done (and continues to do) aligns with what the No Kill Advocacy Center actually promotes as ways to truly be successful. L.A. City has almost openly shunned the process entirely. They routinely kill countless dogs, every day, while giving this cleaned up impression that Los Angeles is a No Kill city. That bastardizes what has been shown to be successful elsewhere, and it serves to bastardize the idea of No Kill in general. It is a well-poisoner so to speak. So I’m confused. And all I see is disingenuousness from Brenda Barnette and the few (or many) others that are responsible for the direction that NKLA has taken thus far.

I agree with much of what is written right here. What are your thoughts? Ask yourself: Is killing wrong and do you reject it?

A few people commenting yesterday kept saying that when you abort puppies and kittens that are due to essentially be born in mere days, well, it doesn’t matter because “they haven’t experienced life.” Many of these people seem to then want to make it into a tradeoff scenario as a response to anyone that doesn’t fully agree with them. So now will I be told that I support rampant breeding? Will I now be told that I support the continued shelter killing of countless innocent pets? Well, those are clearly straw man arguments that carry very little legitimacy when viewed in proper context. I support the reforming of the animal sheltering system. I support tireless and thoughtful education and communication, and providing the many services that lead to both expansive adoption results and voluntary spay and neuter. I support the idea that human beings can be better than what many of us think that we are. I support the idea that pets should be a part of the family, and that every little bit helps in getting there, but that you also can’t micro-manage the results that you see out of a fear that something will always go wrong. What does that get you? The shelter already does wrong by many of these animals every day.

I sensed a massive wave of defeatist energy from most everyone who probably thought that I was an idiot for going against the grain on this issue. Hell, many of the commenters essentially implied that the Commissioners were lunatics for even giving this topic a platform at all. (One curious thing that a few people noticed was how this specific issue made it all the way to the Commissioners’ meeting at the request of 1 individual. Wow. Someone’s apparently got some pull! I know that there’s many other issues that countless people would love to see discussed. How do we get those things up for an honest debate? But I digress…) Back to the defeatist energy… I sensed it from most of the public commenters, from numerous Commissioners, and I always seem to sense it from Barnette. It showed in the way that many of the commenters talked about the poorest among us, it wasn’t very flattering commentary. The nanny-state stuff, the anti-this or -that vibe that reeks of over-protectiveness can often times be detrimental to what you are trying to ultimately achieve. We are never going to have a system that is absolutely perfect. What is near-perfect to someone may not be near-perfect to the next person. What I do know is that we can be a hell of a lot better that what we are now. Way better. We can be better.

I was joking around with my girlfriend as we were talking about this meeting, and I threw out to her that I’ve heard that Brenda Barnette makes between $220,000 and $240,000 per year. I then said that they could hire me to run L.A. City Animal Services and that I’d do it for $50,000 a year. That may sound preposterous on its face, and many would point to my “inexperience” and all the rest of it, but how could I possibly do that job any worse than it’s being done right now? And that’s not to say that someone couldn’t do it worse, or that Barnette hasn’t done some good things… But I know for a fact that if you simply slid her out and slid me in, that the machine would continue charging down the tracks at at least the current rate it’s going, and that’s the worst-case scenario… I guess that internal parts could potentially revolt, due to certain people not liking me or my ultimate aspirations of reform. Some might act in ways to attempt to discredit me or my ideas, or leave entirely, but that’s a risk I would take and I’d just have to have a bigger faith in humanity as a whole.

Albeit a joke, I do think that I could actually make a positive difference. I do know that I’d talk openly about the process, and how much or how little that bureaucracy got in the way. I do know that I’d be transparent and that I’d use funds to inform people of what a Los Angeles shelter currently is and what it has been for as long as we could look backwards. I’d dovetail that with a request to change it. I do know that I’d ask for help, and that I’d attempt to surround myself with people that I think are capable, and people that maximize the many shortcomings of my own personality. What I do know is that you’d be saving between $170,000 and $190,000 in salary. What I do know is that I wouldn’t have squandered the over $600,000 that was already allotted to low-income spay/neuter programs. Add the saved salary to what was reportedly flushed down the toilet and there’s all of a sudden another $800,000 sitting there for genuine low-cost spay/neuter representation.

Am I bad or nutty because I think that we can be better? Better as people, as communicators, as leaders, as a community, as a city, as a county, as a state? Is what L.A. City and L.A. County are doing okay with you? They are different public mechanisms but the result is far too often the same. Is it not? Is it not?